Stories from a sleepy mom: A sweet interaction

Stories from a sleepy mom: A sweet interaction

A sweet interaction

I was about ten days into my new food habit
Am in the checkout line
Piling my items on the checkout counter
A young handsome man joins the line
and in his hand were about 36 donuts.

My mouth went dry.
My eyes were greedy
I smacked my lips
I was at loss for words...

I wanted the donuts out of my sight as quick as possible
I started a conversation
"Oh No! How did they trust you with all these donuts?"
"Please go ahead and check out, you have just one item"

He was unaware of my burning craving for those donuts.
I couldn't even focus on anything.

He shrugged his shoulders.
"They can wait", he said.

I smiled.
Please go away my heart cried.

I continued, "You know I have been keeping away from sugar for a couple
of weeks. And now this box of donuts is just so tempting!"
"Can you please go ahead?" I pleaded.

With an exaggerated drawl, he asked me, "Can I show you something?"
I said. "Sure, what is it?"

He lifted his T-Shirt and showed me something.
I didn't recognize it.
He said, "This is an insulin monitor"
"I am a diabetic. I have been since I have been eight or something"
"That is why they trust me with donuts"
"You see I can't eat them".
"I don't even remember how they taste like."

Now, I looked at his eyes.
I told myself, If he had been a brother or a friend
I would've given up sugar at least for a few days to show my love

He continued, "Some people say it is a disability"
"But I don't think so"
"Being diabetic is not a disability"

Then both of us said at the same time
"There are times when the disability is here"
And pointed to our heads.
We meant that normal looking people also carry a disability.
And we laughed out aloud.

It was my turn to checkout.
He was smiling at me, I smiled back.
He probably knew that I felt something.

As I walked out, I told myself..
As a young boy,
he learnt to live without sugar.
He had learnt self control... because the effects on him
were immediate
I have indulged in sugar all my life, pretending that sugar
will have no impacts on me

I have memories of the taste
I can recall it whenever I want...
Can he?
I can NOW learn to live in the memory of the taste

India said to the world: "Deal with it"

Yes.

We gave you Kamasutra,
and
Sugar.

Thus an opportunity to experiment,
and
Explore taste and greed.

That was our Karma.

As a penance to our actions-

We also gave you Yoga,
And
The Gayathri Mantra.

Now Go.

Explore your Innerself.
Taste the joy of realization.
Find Peace.
Amen.

Indian Woman and her Bachelor Gods

Hanuman.
Ganesha.
Bala Krishnan.
Shiva in deep meditation.

What drives her to them?

To this mountain that balances her;
To this tender tusker who hugs her;
To this toothless grin who tugs her;
To this stone that calms her;

Perhaps ---

A craving to have a pious relationship with men?
A need to be understood and be untouched?
A desire to be vulnerable but not taken advantage of?
Wanting a shoulder to rest, to drain her tears, walk away light hearted?

The slimy slinky gate keeper to a best kept secret

On a restful sunday afternoon nothing can beat the warm feeling of munching on fresh snacks and sweets as your mom or granny try new recipes for sweets and store them in air tight containers, but generously distribute the broken scarps to the mob of kids hanging outside the kitchen door - who will then willingly grab the vessels and pan and continue polishing and licking the last bits that stick to the pan...

And that made a moment for my grandma to share her wisdom "The palace gates and the kitchen doors never leave you empty handed!"

Two and a half decades later I am struggling to control another greedy gate keeper
It wisps
Wags
Its slimy
Slick
and uncontrollable!

Its not one, but a collective mob
Tiny as they are
Unique are their qualities
Rare is their gift
They capture everything
And memorize
And recall at whim

My lustful taste buds

The devils they are...
They destroy my will for good health
And crumble my resolutions for sanity

My lifes destiny seems to be in their hands
They seem to control my thoughts
They rule my very self
Until I disappear in my own greed
Until the goddess is burned

But I have felt
and I have tasted
The pure joy of selflessness
The sheer sanctity of self control
The imminent possibility of setting free

And so now the gate keeper is under my control

High FIVES: To the five elements of taste

After a frenzy day of shopping right before the Blizzard of 2010, as I stowed away the groceries in the fridge, it struck me that I had subconsciously planned my activity for the next 5 days and shopped accordingly

I kinda tied my hands
Naaw! bound my tongue
I had kidnapped it

We were going to be snowed in
There was just a minimum snacks, enough for the young daughter who will be at home.
I had bought cucumbers, bell peppers and an assortment of veggies
Piled on raw peanuts to the list.
In went some soymilk.
No snacks for my better half. He got a dozen eggs, bread and cheese.

The previous week I had (over)indulged in Ledo's Veggie Pizza at work
and the following day, an Indian buffet for lunch

Not only did I feel guilty (which happens after every indulgence)
but something else was happening within me
And I let that 'something' to 'happen'

And something new happened too
I listened to myself
I allowed myself the liberty to listen to the guilt, the sadness, the pain
I allowed myself to feel joy, happiness, peace and innocence

From now onwards I can live in the memory of the taste
Until the memory is no longer required
From now onwards I can live to make-up to the guilt I feel
Until I learn to forgive myself

And then the tears.... they never came
Thats when I knew

I was suffocating myself and was caught up
Then,
I started to draw energy from everything around me
from Friends who were in the same battle
from Family who lovingly supported
from Strangers who politely smiled
from Stories that begged to be read

All I did was to give up three things. Just three
It shut a thousand doors
It opened a new world of taste

I am me, just different
I am making small changes but taking giant strides

Set if free they said

A long time ago they told a very young child

"Set it free"
"If it belongs to you it will come back"

The child longed for something
And the child took a chance and let it go

But they never told the child

"Wait for it"
"When it comes back to you, you need to be there"

It came back, the child was not there, and so it left

The child didn't know
And carries the pain
And the vacuum.

Decades of penance: for one precious moment

Married when they were teenagers
They have never been apart
Except when he went to work
They found joy in being with each other
Loving each other and growing in that love

The heavens watched their life
For many a long year they lived in harmony
Living, working, traveling, singing, and never forgetting to love

And when it was time for him to leave
She was ready to say goodbye
They knew it

But there was one more day. A very precious day

And this day will never come again
They started their day
They shared a few prayers
They shared a meal
They hugged their family
they stayed close to each other
And then they went to bed

She rose
He didn't
She called out to him
His eyes fluttered
She sat next to him
They held hands
Silent tears rolled down her face
He was ready for the journey
She was prepared

She thanked him for letting her be a part of the finale
She was grateful that he shared it with her
She guarded the space around him
She treasured his last precious breath
She swallowed the air around them
She cherished the silent moments of transition
she was strong and she was calm

In perfect harmony the soul mates bid adieu

She misses him
And she waits
Her journey will begin.

(Recently two of my loved ones lost their spouses. And they let them go with grace, lots of love and spirits)

Life is a parabola and I am at is peak

Let me assume I at the peak of life
Not anything else, but just in terms of age

And if from this point there is a decline, I would rather it not be steep
But a beautiful curve
And I want to plan for it from nowon.

I may leave this body now, or in 10 years or in 44 years
So I want to make a deal

I have given up 3 things for a few months: Refined sugar, Cow / Buffalo milk and white rice
But if I make this permanent and
Every year from now onwards if I give up one other thing that I absolutely enjoy eating

Then when it is time to leave, I will be perfectly ready
In harmony.
There will be very little difference to what is left behind and what goes on
Just like my Babuli Patti

An Oprah, the Nun and the Brahmin

As I watched the young, innocent, beautiful faces of the Catholic nuns proudly state that they are blessed to be wearing their wedding dress since they are married to Jesus and being the bride of Jesus gives them the utmost pride

...... Oprah. her guests, millions of viewers and I had tears in our eyes

The nuns showed such love and such determination...

I am sure we each thought of the endless wars that we wage in our daily lives to be happy and seeing these young girls who happily state that they are in bliss, and they have let go of everything in their lives because they are fulfilled and need nothing else in life!
We strive to want it all. And they with nothing, seem to have it all

For Oprah
For my friends
For me..
We are in search of something else

And for me and the other million Brahmins of the world --
Many generations ago, we started where the nuns are today
For centuries we were born and raised to chant the name of God
For ages we practiced the art of giving up and owning nothing
Our ancestors lived a life of minimalists, spiritual leaders and masters of the mind
Today we their children hoard wealth, seek satisfaction in immersing in worldly pleasures

A few tears is all I had for the nuns

A tryst with my health

I have now realized that to do anything especially to change something that is existing I need a lot of energy, motivation, love, fun, attention, buzz around it!!!!!

I am overweight.
Am not so healthy.
My eating habits suck.

OH boy the worst of it, I know what I have to do, and I don't do it day after day
I attempt once and retrofit my action by eating double junk
But the beauty is I never give up.
I try new things, new tactics every day.
And I become my own enemy and I also create counter productive actions

I have understood myself and this aging process
No workarounds are going to help me -- face it head on

Today is my third day with my new health plan and I have stuck to it
And I need to write, so that I can keep writing until I complete this journey

I have very simple rules
-No dairy products of any sort (for a curd rice fanatic this is the worst nightmare)
-No refined sugar (coffee and tea taste so bad with soy milk and jaggery)
-No white rice (what will i eat??)

20th feb

The first week of eating healthy was easy, since it was new and the mind felt very powerful
The second week was when the battle began
Mind vs Body
Cravings vs Control

The mind did not give into cravings
But the mind wanted to be diverted
So there was over indulgence in "what could be eaten"

Today there is energy
Mind will learn, and practice
And it will prevail
:-)

And it did a little (A pat on my back!)

After two weeks of hunkering down to the Blizzard of 2010 I ventured to COSTCO today
Boy, everyone was restocking! or were we practicing the same frantic shopping that we did
the Thursday before the Snowmaggedon kicked in?
Because I am staying away from Sugar and Dairy, shopping in COSTCO was quite easy
What was not so easy was to say 'Nah' over and over again to the samples!
Be it yogurt, tacos, dips, granolas etc etc
I sampled French baguette with Olive oil!!!

Next stop.. The Indian GROCERY STORE---
Not a good move
It is lunch time
I have an angry growling stomach trying to make me
feel guilty for all the samples I just left behind in COSTCO
and an Indian store is the last place I should be stepping into

But I made it out without much damage

8th feb

Day has begun well -- nothing like the gift of working from home :)
A tasteful delight of soy coffee, banana and two slices of fruit bread
(I finally read the ingredients and this contains traces of sugar - so this is also out!)

7th feb

Two cups of soy chai and a banana to kickin the shoveling mood
Soy coffee with honey after shoveling with some veggie s.wiches
(hummus, cucumbers, tomatoes, avacado, garam masalalala) and grapes
Back to snow shoveling for neighbors and then test the neighborhood roads
Dinner is sandwich with grilled veggies
Superbowl special: Two slices of fruit bread

So good so far, thanks a ton to the Gods in my heart

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6th feb 2010:

Today is Siraj's 40th birthday! Yay! It is noon and we are just out of bed. The foot of snow in our backyard is a reality.
I am balanced.
I can make coffee for Siraj,
Hot chocolate for Amaani and a cup of soy chai and Peanut Butter sandwich for myself.
I am loving the feeling that I do care for myself and my health

Lunch: I made a meal with the following:
A layer of cucumber / tomato and carrot slices
followed by three scoops of cooked wheat
another layer of cooked onions, green bell peppers, beets
topped with flax and methi sprouts
and garnished lightly with milagu kuzhambhu!!!!!

Dinner: Cooked wheat with onions, green bell peppers, beets and a banana

Craving for sugar :)

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5th feb 2010:

What I had:

I woke up with a severe headache - it could be because I dozed off watching a movie on TV or my body is reacting to the coffee and tea deprivation I am putting it through.

I was surfing the TV and heard someone say "Creating a calendar has a moral value" , I think that is true in a lot of sense
Maybe I am not ready to make a calendar of what I will be eating in the future, but now a log will do

Snowed in! So there was no specific meal time, but this is what I ate the whole day.

2 cups of masala soy chai with honey - getting used to the taste
2 bananas
A cup of dry apple caramel pecan crunch
Whole wheat sandwich with hummus
A cup of cooked vegetable seasoned with South Indian spices (onions, cabbage, and cooked lentils)
Boy this veggie filled me up so much, I couldn't get to the cracked wheat that I had cooked - so that is for tomorrow
For some reason there is so much gas piling up, so I also had 1/2 a can of ginger ale!

I think I drank less water today....

I made a meal of potatoes, cabbage, rasam with basmati rice for amaani. And my girls always like me mixing the rice for them. I love doing it, and have made them very lazy. As I was mixing the dish in a bowl, I hurriedly put a spoonful of ghee in my mouth and discarded it though. It hurt me so much that I was not willing to help myself to a better health. I had tears in my eyes. But I thought of the love in my heart and the cause for why I am doing this and it was very easy.

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4th feb 2010:

What I had:

am: Green tea and peanut butter whole wheat sandwich
noon: A bowl of sprouts made from methi and moth seeds / and 1 pkt of instant oats / 1 avocado
evening: 1/2 pkt of chips (shared with a colleague) / 1 pkt of instant oats / decaff black tea
dinner: Fruit bread with hummus (weird he!)

Water, water - goes without saying. By the way as soon as I came from work, I rushed to the kitchen and made a sandwich made of marmalade and took a bite and then realized marmalade is made with refined sugar. It was easy for me to discard the dish.
I also watched Julie & Julia and in someway I connected to Julie - I have blogged when I was training for my marathon, but thought it is good to write my day to day progress, it would be interesting to know how I fought to keep temptation at bay

Not because you left

I cry
Not because you leave
to spread your wings wide
and fly away
as I watch you become a speck in the sky

I cry
Not because you left this nest
in search of your dreams

The tears speak of guilt
of a gaping hole that returns no memories
of a lonliness
of a wish long forgotten

Wriggle my toes!

Until 8 miles I had no issues with the runs... It is becoming tough after the 9 miler.. Pain in the knees, stiffness of the muscles, extreme tiredness. God! There is still so much to run. It is just the beginning.

Go the end of the blog to read the latest news

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June-27th the nine miler:

I 'ferried' 6 runners quite ready to run near the DC mall. (this is part of the route for the big day)......We warmed up, and split into groups... Since I am a penguin, I make the last batch. I lost my way, it was too hot and just walked about 5 miles.

So on 28th morning, I attempted to complete the run by myself. The weather Gods were at their kindest today. The sun went into hiding and the rain clouds were ready! I completed the run at a 14 min pace.. As I stopped near my car exhilarated and happy, the first rain drops fell on me... and I was on my way to Yoga at the Y! with Sunny (it is not a pun, my yoga instructor is 'Sunny')
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July-4th, the 10 mile pace run:

It is 3.30 AM . I am in LA.
Completely Jet lagged, I crawled out of bed.
I planned my route. Pre dawn was lit bright by the endless stream of airport lights.
I prepared for the run (Water, cash, keys, ID, sun glasses, cellphone, sunscreen)

The roads were quite.
It was chilly. And I was scared.
So I ran in the middle of the road.
Dawn broke in when I was on mile 4.
I spied on the hibiscus, bougain villas, roses, a faint scent of Jasmine here and there.. Maw! how much I missed having them in my life.
When I reached mile 8, the sun was up.
I completed 11.4 miles amidst loud traffic, as the sun glared into my eyes. I even had energy to pick up a heads-up penny. I am a "Penny-Picker"!

I crawled back to bed shivering and exhausted.
I piled pillows under my feet. I covered myself.
I had no energy to stretch. All I could do was wriggle my toes.
And so I wriggled them. And I was content.
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July 12th - The half marathon! (13.1 miles)

---------I lovingly thank Lekha / Ravi / Thenna / Kavitha / Veena / Sada and Pallavi for being with me on this day! -------------------

Belle Haven Marina
Coach Joe convinces us to complete 13.1
Lovely bridges, shade a good day to run
I maintain my 4:1 pace throughout
The suns out, so the water station at mile marker 4 is a blessing
Grab a cup of water and one yogurt.
Coach Nick passes by! Wow! (He was running 46 miles to observe his 46th birthday!)
We go on till we reach 12.5 miles or so
Then suddenly a severe fatigue overcomes me
Sense it and stop running
Start walking. Even walking is tough
Reach our picnic area in about 15 minutes
Feel like puking. I and extremely tired
Am not dizzy. Sit down. Am shivering
Try to walk.Everyone seem to be talking to me, I cant make any sense
My muscles are extremely sore
Need assitance to walk.. Kavitha grabs my bag, Lekha helps me walk
We leave in Thennas car. The car journey is extremely tiring
When we reach my car, I have no energy to drive
So Lekha drives my car, and another runner Ravi follows in his
They drop me home, and want to hang around
I could just manage to signal that I would be okay
At home, my daughter piles pillows under my feet
I was still shivering so she throws a blanket over me
She gets me water and some rice
And more water and more........
For the next three hours I lie down sipping water, with no concept of time, or being awake or asleep
Finally after 3 hours I was able to get out of bed
But --- I am sane, alive and completed the training run

My biggest lesson:
Not to take future runs indifferently.
From now on until I complete the marathon, there is a need to tend to my system as if it is my newest baby. Give it 100% care and sensitivity
-Proper nutrition , supplements, hydration
-Good attire
-Good rest. And If I am exhausted for any reason, do the long runs on a different day. (Forget weekends and Friday night funnnn!)

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July 18th Long run, 12 miles at Carder Rock

I have not slept well on Friday
Though I did focus on proper diet and hyrdation, I did not feel alright
We also had to drive to pick up Maan from her camp.
So I negotiated with myself.
Do half the distance, but make it difficult
So I did my sweet and wonderful 4:1 but completed a whole 2 minutes ahead of my time
Yoo hoo... Since I was early /// got some early bird breakfast of water melons nd fruits and off we drove to pick up Maan

I completed the next 6 miles on Sunday by walk on the W&OD trail

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Preparing for the weekend 13.1 mile run at Pierce Mill

-------------- Lots of love and Thanks to Siraj, Runner Hanna, Coach Mona, Coach Kevin, Pallavi and Amaani --------------------------------

-This run is exactly 90 days before the big day
-And this week I have my cycle (which might as well happen on oct 26th as well)
-So I prepare very carefully.
-A tiring week physical exhaustion
-Try to get company for the run, but everyone is at their own pace, so run alone again
-Meet Coach Jon, and he directs us into the Washington Zoo
-Run past the elephants cage
-Wave to a few early visitors to the zoo
-Reach water station, Grab a oatmeal bar and fill-up gatorade
-No issues. Run. Walk. Sip Water. Sip Gatorade. Maintain pace
-Jog the last mile
-Reach the finish. Wow!
-Feel wonderful and fine
-Grab strawberries, grapes, Gatorade
-Then call Siraj and announce that the run was a success
-Thank Hanna, and the breakfast sponsor
-Feel wonderful
-Am extremely tired, and fatigued again!
-Call out to Coach Mona
-She asks me to lie down on the picnic bench
-Hands me a cupful of gatorada and more
-Gulp it down and feel better
-Talk to coach Mona, Coach Nick and Coach Kevin
-Explained to Coach Mona why I chose to run
-Tired again. Lie down
-Call Siraj. Bless him, he was already here and 20 yards away from me
-Some orange slices
-Coach Nick notices my empty water bottles
-Advices that maybe the day was too hot
-Now everyone else leaves
-Just too tired, not sore at all!
-Siraj helps me to the car
-We reach home
-Then the routine
-Pile up pillows, a blanket for the shivering body
-Then, my girls walk in an out
-They bring Water. Rice and Harris Teeter Indian dishes
-More water. Cant even look at a banana.
-Then a quick cold (brr! not so cold) shower
-Back to bed, and a snooze
-There's a mild headache
-Who cares?
-My family was right here.
-Siraj repeats a few times "You completed 13.1 today!"
-Theres nothing wrong

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Aug-01 The 12 miler in Columbia Marina Island - A no brainer?? OR NOT!

-An interesting week
-Am in good spirits, body is free and lighter
-Nutrition - breakfast, lunch, dinner, light snacks in between
-Hydration - Water, gatorade, water-melon, grapes
-Supplements - twice a week
-Mid week runs - tuesday speed work out
-Thursday - hill
-Friday - Extremely sore after the hill
-Car-pool and start with the penguins.
-Coach Jon asks to run with him for 8 miles
-Me and another runner follow him
-He changes course, but didnt let us know
-I am okay to run with him / but my co-runner is not
-She wants to follow the course, meet other runners
-Hmmm! A few angry bursts
-And she picks-up pace
-Both of us run alone generally
-So it doesnt work out to run with each other
-We find our way back to the course, meet other runners
-Hot day in DC
-No shade around the mall
-I take videos from my blackberry
-They give us some diversion
-Finish the run a mile or less short
-We run a few more minutes near the finishing point
-Coach Nick remembers to ask how I was doing
-I am fine
-A bag of ice to calm my hot head and neck is accepted
-Am starving / A bagel with peanut-butter is heavenly, and grapes are tempting
-Wind-up. Go back to car-pool station
-Request siraj to walk me from the car to home
-I am not sore at all
-Its hot at home
-I sit down in the couch, but end up 'sitting & sleeping'!
-I have done that only during college lectures
-Wake-up in 3 hours
-Splitting headache
-Eat indian food from a local restt
-As everyone says 'Each run is learning'
-What was my learning today?
-Start listening to my body more then ever
-From 0 to 13.1 in 8 weeks
-Next is 13.1 to 20 miles in 75 days
-Wow! so soon, I wish I had a year to prepare
-But that is the game I am playing now,
-0 to 26.2 in 16 weeks.
-I imagine myself crossing 20 miles in 5 hours..
-I imagine me at the finish line....
-A penguin trudging along and finishing!!!!

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Aug-08th, First time ever - 14 miles

-I run with Coach Jon the entire distance at Pierce Mill with me
-Run, Walk, Sip gaitorade, talk, run again!
-He made the run so easy!
-Needed the morale boost so much
-Finally, first time after hitting 12 miles, a run is complete with cheerfulness and enough energy to want to run more
-Thanks! Coach John H. Steitz

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Aug-22nd, the lonely 16 miles

-Return from VTech on Friday after settling in Pals in her dorms
-Long tiring trip
-No mid week runs,lots of driving
-Hence skip the Saturday run
-Do the run on Sunday at the W & OD trail
-Plan my car to be me water station
-Run 2.5 heading East towards Vienna to complete a 5 mile loop
-Return to car, fill up the bottles
-Head towards Herndon and do a 4 mile loop. Voila! 9 miles done
-Head back towards Vienna and now complete a 6 mile loop
-Now the last loop is just a turnaround at 2 miles
-Siraj and Maan have walked from home
-They drive me home
-Run is complete.
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Sep-05, A whooping 18 miles

-Pals is home for the weekend
-Cook South Indian food for her, for me for all of us!!
-Head to carder rock, the beautiful trail on scenic Potomac
-Coach Jon is in VA Beach -- running the VA Beach half marathon
-Hence I run alone
-Thats okay, I am used to it now
-Steady pace 3:1
-Familiar trail
-Pebbles, dog walkers joggers, bikers, tourist, park police
-Navigate them all!
-Finish the 18 miles
-Come home, eat like nothing ever happened
-Facebook it "A Ton of DC tan and 18 miles in my bonnet"

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Sep-12, the 12 miler

-Aha! MCM announces that Powerade MBB is the drink
-Buy a couple of cases to test it out
-Walk 6 miles, still maintaining the pace
-Taking it easy I guess

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Sep-19, Revenge of the Penguins - 20 miles

This run stars: Amaani, Siraj, Kevin!!!!

A week of planning and failing!
-A quick 4 miles on the trails in fairfax pkway
-Miss all other mid-week runs
-Commuting woos, Laziness, cramps...
-Why wait till Friday night? Planned Carbo load starts early in the week
-Reach the trail at 7.00 am
-Collect big, tag-timer, chit-chat
-It is cold, That is good, less breaks for water
-We start at 8.00 am
-300 runners in all, 10 milers and 20
-Teen agers to 70 year olds
-Observe the pains in my body move from the shins to the toes
-Then to the heels.. Feel the pebbles collecting in the shoes
-Pour water over my head and neck at water stations
-Reach a water station and they say "3.5 miles to the finish"
-Check my time.. 1 hour and 8 minutes still at hand
-"Crossing the bridge" at MCM is 5 hours
-Am ahead by 20 minutes
-Become relaxed and start to walk
-Imaginary back pain kicks in
-Feels as if that I am bleeding through my shoes
-Am not able to run
-So finish the race walking but 10 minutes under 5 hours
-Coaches John and Nick proudly annonce "Raji! you have crossed the brigde"
-Tears gather in my eye
-A few runners are still there
-They applaud. I share my happiness
-Starving, walk towards the picnic area
-Meet Kevin
-Start sobbing
-He lends his shoulder, I cry. I say "I am so happy"
-Get a hug, cry more. Feel nice. Thank him.
-Realize that I dont care for anyone overtaking me or not
-The race is against myself to overcome my "giving up streak"
-No bleeding toes
-Text Siraj - "Am done"
-He replies "Am here"
-Am starving, all food is gone!
-Eat a Clif bar
-Followed by Indian buffet.
-Go home
-Pile pillows, Water, sleep, head ache, Advil
-More water, finally am normal.

-And here is the result:
http://www.acfcoop.org/20090919.html
-Just two more long runs go to!
Yippeeeeeee------

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Sep-26-2009 A twelve miler with Coach Jon again! Yippee

Follow a well set routine: Run, Walk, Talk, Sip Gaitorade and talk more
New lessons: Don't panic if there is a need to take a break. Take the break! It helps in the run

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Oct-03-2009, A 6 miler just for being active

I had such a busy week, that also included flu like symptoms that was floating around at work... Hence did not tire my muscles

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Oct-10-09, The Baltimore 1/2 --------Meet the stars! -------------

Who is the star of todays run?
The young children who want to give high five?
Or the cops who smile and wish you good luck?
Or the young boys and girls volunteering at stations and will clean-up after the dust settles down from the last runners shoes?
Or the mass of runners who thundered and ploughed through the streets of Baltimore today?
Or the lovely old ladies who stood under umbrellas and screaming "looking good?"
Or just the city? The people? The runners?


Oct-10-2009 Baltimore Running Festival - and may the runner who died today rest in peace

2 runners in a car, joined by 30 runners in the metro / walk with another 100 to the start line / just to become part of 21,000 runners and the noise in all! Together we conquered the 1/2 marathon in Baltimore today :-)

I cried at the start line, because I never thought I would ever make it to there
I cried at mile 3,5 and 9 and everywhere in between -- I never thought I would reach it
I cried when I approached the finish line - Oh! My God finally
Once I finished the run, I was immensely peaceful. It is now a part of me and my memory. Each and every step. I can visit this 13.1 miles for ever and ever

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Oct-17th, a lazy 6 miler - Another discovery

Very few runners.
The rain chased away the dog walkers and the wanderers
It is just a handful of us, the drizzle, the rain, the puddles and the carderrock trail....
The babbler in me is alive and light
Am excited to see the empty trail and the lovely coaches
Oh my God! Running in the rain is a blessing. I love it
We are all excited about the race day,
This is the last meeting for the season.. It is emotional
We bid adieu, a ton of small things that need to be taken care of...
See ya'll on oct-25th

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Oct-25-2009... The Angels came out in their full glory and made all the runners a star in their own right!

My Angels - Coach Jon, The woman with the glove, Beth, Von, the kids with Dr. Pepper, A woman in the crowd with pretzels, the young couple who were handing out Gold fish and sesame sticks, Coach Kirk, Coach Chirag, Siraj, Amaani and the MCP team with the heated tent, the Marines handing out water, and powerade....

I was thinking that I should put the experiences of todays run on top but how could I? Each incemental mile, each incremental injury and recovery brought me here

Checkin into Holiday Inn the night before
Race day kit checked. Got everything.
Even packed rice, yogurt and Mango pickle for post run recovery food!
Following a,m have a bagel, and some coffee
Walk to MCP tent at 6.15 am
Forget my watch and sun glasses (mistakes # 1 and 2)
It is dark and the heated tent is so welcome
Lazily sprawl in the chairs
Volunteers now march into the tent, coffee -- Sample 1/2 a cup
Chit chat with other runners
Line up to Don-Jon
Pack 8 preztel sticks and one granola bar
Decide not to wear a 2nd T-Shirt and forget my gloves in the bag (mistakes # 3 and 4)
Walk towards the start line with a MCP team
Line up. Meet Shekar. Everyone is excited
The start is announced. The slow runners are requested to be polite
We wait till the 5 hr finishers run by
I needed to use the rest room. The lonely one is all queued up
So I start with coach John and other runners who just want to run with us for sometime
Just after mile 1, I see a line of Don Jons and my bladder is so full, that it hurt
Since we were in our warm up mode, I fall back. Thankfully there is no queue.
I am able to catch up with my team quickly. It is uphill and I breathe very heavily
We hit water stations at regular intervals
I take water and cool my head and neck (mistake # 5)
Call my Mom in India 1 hour into the run
We gain 1 minute for each mile (A buffer to beat the bridge in 5 hours)
We are close to Hains Point and I am very cold, This is near the waters and the tidal basin and it is very very breezy ..... We are ahead of schedule by 15 minutes
Coach Jon says that the wind cheater in his hand could be useful, but is sweaty
After a couple of walk breaks I request him his wind cheater
I wear it and then realized my hands and feet are numb
Because I am running, my feet are becoming alive, going numb and alive again
But my hands are so numb
I an slowing down. But also checking that we dont lose our buffer
Now when Coach Jon talks, I cant pay attention
He says if my hands remain numb after 26.2 I should go to the medical station
My mind has few goals, keep my hands warm, listen to his walk-run shouts, and not lose the buffer
Try to pray, cant do it
A Gu every four miles, and a pretzel every two mile in between Gu
When there is crowd to cheer, I get energy
Spot a cheer crowd. They have assorted stuff with them
Ask them for spare gloves. I say "my hands are numb with cold"
A woman says she doesnt ahve any.
Then she looked at my eyes. Something mustve moved her
And then she says "you said gloves"
Digs into her bag and gets me a white pair of gloves
Wear it thankfully and told her I love her
Am slowing down, but not too slow
Try sucking on a pretzel. It burns my stomach
So just fluids.
Now sense my throat is sore. Can't talk
But Coach Jon insists that we still maintain 3:1 pace
We do it, but slow down a bit more
The buffer helps
At mile 17, 18, 19 I want to throw up
But can't. My stomach is slushy
Beth and her husband Von join us
We reach the bridge --
Now Jon will leave me and run ahead
Don't have to take the straggler bus
No to cry or celebrate
My stomach is bad, that I can't run
So tell Beth and Von that I am going to walk
We see another cheer crowd
Beth and I think some Soda will help
We ask them
They have Dr. Pepper
Fill some in my bottle. Sip it
A big burp. I am wonderful
My sloppyness is gone
My body is warmed up as well
Still wear the gloves
We walk, my throat hurts and I can't talk
Pick up a banana from a volunteer
We reach crystal city
Am now officially starving
Eat the pretzels
And the Granola bar, and the banana
WAtch out for food
Pick up Pretzels, gold fish and sesame sticks
Now am ready to start running
But my stomach is so full
Reach mile 24. Feel great
Chat with marines. and the school bands
At mile 26 Beth and Von leave to the metro station
Then Kirk and Chirag join me and push me to run the last yards
I run and finish
It is done.... I walk, get my wrap from a Marine
Get my medal. Tell the young Marine "Sir! It is an honor to run MCM.
And esp when it is my first"
Thats it. My first run is done
Walk towards Siraj and Amaani for their love and hugs and kisses and photos

Distance MAR
Clock Time 7:08:25
Chip Time 6:51:45
Overall Place 20735 / 20936
Gender Place 8189 / 8280
Division Place 1785 / 1798
Age Grade 32.9%
5K 44:55
10K 1:26:52
15K 2:09:55
20K 2:54:25
Half 3:04:26
25K 3:41:15
30K 4:28:33
35K 5:28:13
40K 6:27:44

Listening to your run

We are now eight weeks into the training, and all we do is just run 'One more mile than last week'.. Simple logic that works week after week.

I am not extremely overweight (means I am kinda), and it takes me 3 miles of walk-jog just to get warmed up! Tough eh!
Thank God! I dont need to run 26.2 after the 3 mile warm up. So while my co-runners are happily chatting, I am huffing, puffing and out of breath even at a 14 minute mile pace. But once I cross 3 miles, I am different. I can talk, breathe evenly and that is when I start listening to my pace.

Sometimes I run to the mild rhythm of a drum beat.
Sometimes I am slowly following the strength of the stream I am passing by.
Many a time, it is to the chirping birds.
Sometimes there is silence around. Then I run to the rhythm of my breath.

The runner in me is very stingy. I dont want to waste energy.
So it is my feet that moves. Some arm movement is also there.
That is when I remember what my daugthers dance teacher says, "When you are doing your Jathis, it is your feet that needs to move. Why does ur shoulder need to dance. When someone sees ur shoulder they should not know that you are balancing ur feet! And then the girls focus and graciously move their feet. They understand the rhythm.

That is how feel when I run. Running has rhythm. And Grace.
It has style. And beauty.
I have passed the excited nervous stage now.
I am now peaceful and calm.
All that needs to happen now is 'one more mile!'

Idli, thair saadam and running!

Sometimes I think Indian diet is the best for a long distance runner. All you hear around you is eat carbs! load yourself with carbs for that long run

And what other diet is loaded with carbs than ours? Idli especially suits the purpose quite well. It has protein and a generous amount of carbs.. since it is steamed it digests quickly... we can eat it before the run - and still feel light during the run

In the practise runs I meet a variety of runners.
Idli runners.
Then the 'sothu mootai' - rice runners.
then there are the - roti runners.
Ofcourse we are all the 'bagel runners' now since that is what charities loving bring for us week after week - along with tons of fresh fruits, yogurt, water, juices, nuts, energy bars, cookies....

I might become an Idli runner. In bygone days, when Tamils travelled by foot or in a bullock cart - they were Idli walkers! They must have packed idlis with podi for the road. They must've walked good long miles, had a picnic of idlis and continued their journey. I guess I will pretend that I am on a pada-yatra week after week to see my favorite grandfather, and pack idlis for the run.

The politics of running

Apart from making me a nervous wreck on days when I don't run... the training is also bringing out my competitive side. When young the only motive was to run and drop dead! If our coach found that we still had some energy left, we had to run more and then drop dead! I think this routine lasted for ever.

Additionally access to standard equipment was out of the scene. Girls wearing tennis shoes and showing up for practise was quite common. Many ran bare foot. I could never find the right pair of shoe, and my lovely pinky-toes still bear the brunt!

But then we ran! A group of us... We were at the college track during school days, weekends, summer - all the time - we were addicts and we loved it.. And we wanted to win!

Today I can access the best shoes and sportswear... And am impatient to unleash the competitive athlete in me. But the politics I play with myself - is to run slow. I am the last runner in the gang. And with every step I tell myself, "Raji - you are running against yourself this time. The goal is not todays run - the goal for today is not to overtake the guys ahead of you. It solves nothing. The goal of todays run is to make sure you come back tomorrow and run more. And then come back again and run longer and farther - until your shoes tear / until you complete 400 miles of running. Until you cross the 26.2 miles"

And so I am a penguin. and I love it. As I build endurance to my body -
I am disciplining myself.
The discipline to not being impatient.
The discipline to take time and enjoy the run.
The discipline to trust my coaches.
The discipline to dream and make it happen - one mile at a time

My introduction to the Marine Corps Marathon 2009

A couple of interesting events happened during September of 2008. Siraj and I were towards the end of our walk at the W& OD trail near Reston when 4 Indian men in their 20-30 briskly walked past us huffing and puffing and then stopped. It was as if their target was just to overtake us! This irked me, and I ran and overtook them! And walked back to join Siraj.

I am generally wary of the way Indian men behave towards Indian women, and being in the IT industry I have seen it all! and when this happened I told myself 'Hey guys! you know I am marathon material.. I am just extremely lazy!'

The same afternoon I stumbled upon an email address that was associated to the town I grew up. As we communicated, we realized that we have been neighbors for about 10 years, attended the same elementary school, have common friends... Best of it.. Shekar my new friend was training to run the 2008 Marine Corps and I was fascinated and he becaome my hero.. Though he dismisses my admiration of him quite modestly.. He has since then completed the 2008 MCM and National Marathon 2009 in DC as well. And is now training for the Marine Corps 2009!

Though I am a retired Athlete, and wanted to run for India when younger.... it has been 20 years since I actually trained consistently and was very nervous to commit, but deep within I wanted to get back to running.

The worst of it all I know how easy it is to quit silently.
How easy it is to be admit failure when bullied.

So when an opportunity came by in the form of an email from a local Tamil
Association, I couldn't avoid it. It was an invitation to train for the Marine Corps Marathon 2009. I was so nervous to even attend the initial seminar. I was a total wreck there, babbled constantly, and chirped like a trapped bird to my own amusement. I still am in a state of excitement and filled with nervous energy that scares me and am afraid that I would end up doing all the wrong things.

But here I am 4 weeks into the training. Still taking baby runs (I mean 2-3 miles is a baby run for a marathoner isn't it?)

And here I am waiting for Oct 25th. My target date to check off one childhood dream!
And here I am waiting to run. Waiting to re-connect to the joy of running.



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Fun fact # 1:
From a co-runner:
- When the coaches say 'you need to eat plenty of carbs as the runs get longer'
- He just says 'ha! I just eat Idlis'
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Lost words

1. Where and when?
All over the world, Almost started

What will vanish:
"Do you know the meaning......"
"Do you know where I can find...."
"I am lost....."

Why so?
-Thanks to google and GPS we will stop asking these questions.
-Anyone who asks such questions will actually be ridiculed and mocked at!
-Even the most polite coworker will raise her eyebrow, smile and say gently "I googled and found the answer!"
-Even if a brave guy decides to ditch the GPS and goes to buy a road map, he may not be able to get a paper copy.

2.Where and when?
Developed nations in about 20 to 50 years:

What will vanish:
Pen and Pencil will be part of a legacy medium used for teaching writing. Unless a teacher is extremely art oriented and enjoys teaching using pens, pencils, note books, color pencils and crayons.. these will slowly be left behind from the 'back to school supply list'

Why so?
-Tons of tiny tots and their parents take extreme pleasure in exploring a computer even before the toddler can speak.

-Preschoolers learn alphabets using other medium (electronic games etc) and by the time they are in school they can read.

-School assignments are increasingly focussing on computer rather than conventional medium.

3. Where and when?
In China and India in about 50 to 100 years:

What will vanish:
Words and phrases: Sister, Brother, Sibling, Sibling rivalry, Eldest child, Youngest child, Middle child, Elder of the two sons, Elder of the two daughters, Eldest and hence mothers pet, Youngest and hence fathers pet, Looks like her sister, Looks like his brother, sandwiched between a sister and a brother,
Relationships: Sister, Brother, Older brother / Older sister / Younger brother / Younger sister

What else will vanish?
-Hand me downs: A mother can no longer take pleasure in saving the tiniest frock and wait for another few years to adorn her younger one and recreate a moment only known to her and live in it.
-Children will forget that there is a beauty in sharing.

-Learing to play the first games of life at home - sharing, understanding, negotiating, sensitivity, people skills (will sharing become a subject in school curriculum?)

Why so?
- Due to extensive political, social, cultural and financial pressures families are restricting to having 1 child or 2 children now a days. It is a long shot to expect these children to have more than one child. With no sister or brother to play with, these words will be part of a fairy tale of a bygone era.


4. Where and when?
In China and India in about 1oo to 200 years:

What will vanish?
Words and relationships: Cousin, Aunt, Uncle

What else will vanish?
-Sitting in an aunt or an uncles' lap as they weave their childhood tales and watch gleefully as their parents and aunts and uncles argue over the intrinsic details of their childhoods tale that they are never tired of hearing ----- children will learn about their parents childhood by watching 'home movies'

-Religious ceremonies will be more social functions since it will be all about friends and not families.

-No more uncles and aunts to gift cash on Diwali.

-No more uncles and aunts to secretly hug and say 'don't worry, I know your dad.. we can convince him'.

Why?
-Since children will be part of the ever growing nuclear one child families they will never need to use the words aunty or uncle

5. Where and when?
In China and India in about 100 to 200 years:

What will vanish?
Second Cousin and all related relationships and words


6. Where and when?
In India in about 100 to 200 years:


What will vanish?
-A sister-in-law to tie the wedding knot along with the groom (what ritual will replace this role?)
-Marraiges within the family (we can do away with this)

-No long lost relative to show up at the door and stay overnight

-Mother and daughter ganging up against the ill fated daughter-in-law (yippee!)

-Large guest list of extended family for weddings (hmm! extended family is the cream of any wedding)

What benefits the society from this trend?

-Unprecedented womens' liberation (Wow! - will India finally openly acknowledge our women do have sex before marraige? )

-Finally Indian women will learn to accept their daughters as rightful heirs (yeah!)
-Families will learn to share wealth outside the family
-Indian families will learn to conduct smaller weddings with no wastage of valuable resources (finally)
-A chance for Indian families to marry outside of their community in large numbers

But what will never vanish:
-Abortion of the female featus until a male is conceived
-

A Sapota and a Calf!

We waited for this brown, bouncy, young calf every single day.

As the calf came running towards us, my daughter would shout with glee, and be ready with the fruits that she had picked up from the garden floor.

Some time earlier when we noticed this calf for the first time I suggested to my daughter that we pick up a few half ripe, half nibbled Sapotas probably dropped by squirrels and feed to the calf. She was afraid at first, but the calf was quite very young, and had such wonderful eyes..that she just fell in love with it.
And then we did the same the following day. Very soon this had become a routine, and as the calf approached our home, it would come running to us, and eat the sapotas. If not sapotas, we fed the calf other fruits..

We tried feeding the calf unripe sapotas, and she would spit them out. This caused great amusement to my daugther and so we fed the calf one or two unripe ones and watched it try to chew it and spit it.. and savor the ripe ones! It probably didnt have strong teeth yet, or knew there were better ones coming. After a few months it was time for a new routine.. The calf stopped visiting and we picked up fruits from the garden and left it near the gate for any stray cow to savor..

One day when it was time for a bed time story.. my daughter mentioned that she loved feeding the calf and wondered why it had stopped coming down our street. I included this as part of my story that night and we now had a new routine. The calf was now a deer or a bunny rabbit eating fruits from the forest floor.

We enjoyed every moment of the story telling until both of us dozed of happily dreaming of our wonderful forest friends.

This blog is a solemn reminder to me of those days that we shared in fear and uncertainity. She had faint memories of a different past, but didnt know how to question me. I had made choices that she had to live with.

The stories that I told her soothed her, and we were trying to convey our thoughts in a different form. She was looking for comfort and solace; And I was offering a secure cocoon for her to grow.

For almost three years the story telling continued, it was the same story..but told differently every time to suit the mood of the day. There were days when the baby deer had very little to eat ; some days it ate so much that it couldnt move.. We laughed and cried; and hugged; and held on to each other.